This year I tried something new. I got on a plane for the first time (terrifying), went to Miami for the first time (unreasonably hot, pray for Florida), and boarded a ship for the first time. Large bodies of water and I don't mix so I wasn't looking forward to my trip.

Then the horn went off and we started moving. We hit three islands, met new people, I reconnected with family that moved away, met new family, drank everyday and partied with strangers from different states. Now that I'm two weeks back on land, I regret not risking being a stowaway. I'm sure none of the staff would've noticed. I forgot how much work sucked.

In the spirit of trying new things, next year I'll hide in one the lifeboats instead of going home. They don't check those, right?

excuse the rant i'm just really tired

Idk what it is. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's a poor diet, maybe I pushed myself too hard working out, maybe the strain from being glued to a screen everyday is frying my eyes, maybe my body just hates me. Whatever it is, it's a shit way to start the first month of the year. Plans I had for the week needed to be tossed out and communicating what's wrong with you can't be done properly when your words are slurred and you can't think straight.

Normally I wouldn't be concerned because I'm aware of my triggers, but I avoided them completely and an hour into being awake it hit me, literally, directly in the face. That was yesterday. It happened Monday. It happened last week and the week before that. I forced myself out of bed and went to work today. I'm regretting it now. I'm supposed to be meeting a friend for the first time on Sunday to hear his band play. I'm worried I won't be able to make it. I had to put my writing on hold because I couldn't look at my screen. I have to wear shades at a desk. The only thing I can do now is cross numbed fingers and hope I don't have another random episode before I make it to a doctor. Next month. At the END of the month. 40 minutes away.

2023 was not a fun year. If 2024 gives me nothing else at all, I would very much appreciate it if it gave me a fucking break.