excuse the rant i'm just really tired

Idk what it is. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's a poor diet, maybe I pushed myself too hard working out, maybe the strain from being glued to a screen everyday is frying my eyes, maybe my body just hates me. Whatever it is, it's a shit way to start the first month of the year. Plans I had for the week needed to be tossed out and communicating what's wrong with you can't be done properly when your words are slurred and you can't think straight.

Normally I wouldn't be concerned because I'm aware of my triggers, but I avoided them completely and an hour into being awake it hit me, literally, directly in the face. That was yesterday. It happened Monday. It happened last week and the week before that. I forced myself out of bed and went to work today. I'm regretting it now. I'm supposed to be meeting a friend for the first time on Sunday to hear his band play. I'm worried I won't be able to make it. I had to put my writing on hold because I couldn't look at my screen. I have to wear shades at a desk. The only thing I can do now is cross numbed fingers and hope I don't have another random episode before I make it to a doctor. Next month. At the END of the month. 40 minutes away.

2023 was not a fun year. If 2024 gives me nothing else at all, I would very much appreciate it if it gave me a fucking break.